Why is it that a couple of beers and a couple of shots turn people into Mike Tyson? Has anything positive ever come from a bar fight?

Except for losing number 18 to a pretzel and number 19 to a devilish nugget of Kellogg’s Low Fat Granola, I have all of my teeth. Hockey was not big in East Oakland, but fighting was. I managed to avoid both and save my Chiclets. I guess my Freddie Patek stature did not make me a worthy opponent for the wannabe Alia’s.

But every year or so, amidst my travels to bars across these great United States, I encounter a confrontation or two. It can’t be the alcohol. And it certainly can’t be my fault.

Case in point. I am heading to Crogan’s in the Montclair district of Oakland when a precious parking space opens up. As I am about to make an illegal left turn into the spot, a red SUV wagon comes speeding down the hill to cut me off and take the space. Have you ever tried to get a parking space in Montclair? And who empowered this Subaru to become the Second Coming of the Starsky and Hutch Torino?

After finding a space a couple of blocks away, I had a chance encounter with the culprit. I walked by mumbling  nice driving to which she seemed to take great offense. (I did add a sincere and friendly Bitch to the end of my greeting come to think of it).

Upon joining my friends at the bar and telling my story, in storms the red faced, balding husband of the culprit wanting to “take it outside.”

Now we had been drinking, but were certainly not over the legal limit for driving in the state of California. Had we been on the street, cooler heads would have prevailed. But some people think a bar has a liquor license and a boxing license.

I was in the sorely missed Studebaker’s in Dallas on a crowded Saturday night. A guy my size tries to ram over me to get through. I hold my ground. His second attempt is equally unsuccessful and is accompanied with a push back. His eyes light up and he says let’s take it outside.” I warn him not to make the biggest mistake of his life” as I get behind my football player drinking buddies.

Now we had been drinking, but were certainly not over the legal limit for driving in the state of Texas.

I am convinced some people look at a bar and hear a bell and commentary from Howard Cosell in the background. (A sidebar. I did have a bottle of Frazier Cabernet at Bob’s Steak and Chop House in Dallas one night. As the last drop came out of the bottle, I broke into a “Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!” that would have made Billy Crystal proud. But I digress.)

Let’s review. A bar is long and narrow. A boxing ring is square. A bar is made of wood or tile or copper or some other hard substance. A boxing ring is made of soft canvas and padding.

When you bump into someone on a public street, you say, excuse me. When you bump into someone in a bar, they want to take it outside.” Crowd into a seat next to someone on an airplane or movie theater and people waggle into an unspoken, mutually agreed upon position of comfort. Crowd onto a barstool and expect an elbow to the ribs from another patron and an invitation to take it outside.

Western movies glamorized the bar fight. Do bottles to the cranium really break that easily? And did anything ever get resolved, except for Nell riding into the sunset with Cowboy Bob instead of Black Bart?

Well, I am making a concerted effort from now on to avoid bar confrontations at all costs. I will leave the breaking of my teeth to the wonderful people at Kellogg’s.

Wine and bars have never been comfortable with each other. There are wine bars, of course, terrific ones, and fern bars, where women sip white wine, and even hotel bars, where anything is possible.

But wine and bars – the joints and taverns and neighborhood locals that are the essence of what a bar truly is – have traditionally been as mismatched as a Frenchman at Euro-Disney (where it was also once difficult to order a glass of wine).

There are number of reasons for this, including hundreds of years of tradition, primarily Anglo-Saxon, in which wine wasn’t sold in bars (and still isn’t, in some places). Consider, too, that bars are seen as places for hard-drinking men to do hard drinking, and that holding a wine glass by the stem so as not to warm the bowl is rarely thought of as something hard-drinking men should do.

This paradox raises all sorts of ethical and moral dilemmas for anyone who likes bars and wine. Should you order a glass of wine in a bar? More importantly, how do you order a glass without getting side-glances from the other patrons? Most importantly, how do you order a glass without getting the rolled-eye look that bartenders use to strike fear into the hearts of their customers?

For it is proper to order a glass of wine in a bar, despite all of that tradition. It’s true that there are bars where it wouldn’t be advisable to order a glass of white zinfandel, but there are also wine-oriented restaurants where it is equally as unsafe. Wine drinkers are some of the biggest snobs in the world, and most are quite proud of it. And there are things you shouldn’t say in a bar, like “toasty vanilla finish of a well-oaked chard,” but you shouldn’t use that kind of language in any kind of polite company, be it in a bar, restaurant or the safety of your own home.

Which brings up another reason most people are leery of ordering wine in a bar. Too many are intimidated by wine, and they have bought into the idea that wine is some exalted, mystical elixir anointed by the gods, instead of something to drink with dinner. Sadly, in the last 10 or 15 years, the wine snobs have trained an entire generation of Americans to believe that taste is not the most important quality in a wine, and that anyone who enjoys something the snobs disapprove of is a failure as a human being.

Which is silly. Wine is not about the price of a bottle or its rating in the glossy magazines or whether one vintage is more to die for than another. Wine is about enjoyment, and drinking wine should bring pleasure. This, more than anything else, makes wine acceptable in a bar, since good bars are about the same thing. When’s the last time you spent more than 15 minutes in a bar that you didn’t enjoy? When, God forbid, was the last time you went to a bar because it was trendy?

It’s true that some bars are not conducive to wine, but that’s because the selection is limited or the prices are unduly marked up, not because it’s some sort of crime to order wine. If you’re in the mood for a glass of red wine, and the bar has something that doesn’t taste like it was made last week by three guys named Gus, then order it.

And let’s dispel, once and for all, the myth that wine isn’t manly—or that it needs to be. The wine universe includes much more than the stuff that all those smirking models advertise on television, flogging product at a culture that drinks Diet Coke with dinner (which is the real crime, if anyone really wants to know – mixing artificial sweeteners and man-made chemicals with a perfectly seared piece of beef or a superbly roasted chicken).

Know that there are leathery Italian red wines that can make grown men stagger as if they had ordered the most powerful tequila; powerful California cabernets that are as subtle and sophisticated as a single-malt scotch; and inexpensive French imports that are as much fun to sip as any award-winning microbrew.

So the next time the bartender looks askance when someone orders wine, be brave. Persevere. And offer to buy them a glass as well.

It’s time to start a new bar tradition – one that includes wine.

– Guest columnist Jeff Siegel, despite growing up in the suburbs, has overcome that handicap (to say nothing of a youth wasted on wine coolers and Coke and Southern Comfort) to appreciate a great joint when he sees one. Along the way, he has written for some of the country leading magazines, including Sports Illustrated, Gourmet, Travel & Leisure, and Forbes. You can contact him at Jeff.Siegel@att.net.

By Jeff Siegel

Take a weekend trip to Boston – a city that has more to do in it than you can imagine – and it’s hard to leave and feel like you’ve enjoyed everything that the city has to offer. Over the course of several stays in Boston, I’ve compiled a list of must-hit bars and restaurants that are bound to give you a full and interesting weekend in one of the greatest cities in the world.

The Pourhouse:

The owner of nine best bar awards from seven different sources (including the New York Times, Boston Herald, and MSN), the Pourhouse is one of Boston greatest taverns. Heralded for their great prices on beer and food, this joint is the best way to enjoy any sporting event. During every Red Sox game, major sporting event, and all day Saturday, they serve ice cold 22 ounce mugs filled with the beer of your choosing. Their bar staff is by far the most friendly and personable I’ve encountered in my trips to Boston. They usually have four barkeeps staffing their long, crowded bar top and, if you’re friendly back, you are usually pleasantly surprised to find your bill a bit lighter than you thought it’d be.

I can’t, in good conscience, mention the Pourhouse and not talk about their nachos. A great appetizer to split between you and your ten best friends, their mountains of nachos, stacked about eight inches high, topped with jalapenos, black beans, chili, sour cream, and cheese are a must order in you even find yourself sitting at one of their barstools.

Mother Anna’s:

Located in Boston’s North end, you won’t find a better menu full of Italian cuisine in Boston’s city limits. In the two times I’ve visited this fine establishment, I’ve had the best Chicken Marsala and Veal Parmesan I’ve ever eaten. The menu has three sections; Al Mare (the sea), veal specialties, and chicken specialties, and, trust me when I say, you’re safe to pick any option at random without having to worry about the quality of the meal you’re about to ingest. I’ve never had a member of the party I was with have anything but extremely positive things to say about their dish.

The dining room itself is quaint and small, only fitting about 30 people at a time, but if you make reservations, you’ll have no problem getting a table. You also have the option of, weather permitting, sitting outside on their small outdoor patio and taking in the beautiful sight of the financial district while you enjoy your meal.

Harpoon Brewery:

Do you love beer? Yeah? Me too! Do you love good beer? You’re right, who doesn’t? Ok, last one. Do you love good, free beer? Then take a break from all the bars and restaurants you’re sure to be visiting and travel down to the industrial district and stop into Harpoon for their free brewery “tour”. I put tour in quotations because you’re not actually touring the brewery as much as you’re touring the twelve selections that they have on tap at the time.

After a quick ten minute introduction to their selection, your tour guides for that afternoon become your friendly tap minders for the next fifty minutes. For this almost hour long period you are able to try any and all of their beers in as high a quantity as you’d like. After tasting what is some of the best beer you’re sure to have, I can guarantee you’ll start paying them back on your way out by purchasing a six pack or growler of your favorite ale that you sampled that afternoon.

The Parish Café:

As a sandwich connoisseur, I can safely say that this establishment belongs in the hall of fame. The perfect spot to grab a quick bite to eat (it’s located on Boylston, the heart of downtown) before you wander around the city. The sandwiches here are not traditional in any sense. Every item on the menu is an original concoction designed by their own cooks, and fellow’s chefs around Boston.

My personal favorite is “Rowdy’s Famous Chicken Sandwich”, but other selections, like “Sean’s Meatloaf Club”, are sure to make this one of your go to spots when you’re in Beantown.

Also impressive is their extensive beer list. They have a wide selection of imported and domestic beers both on tap and bottled for you to enjoy while you eat one of their excellent sammiches.

Doyle’s Irish Pub/ Samuel Adams Brewery:

Though you can hit either one of these destinations on its own, I suggest making the trip to both. If you’re a fellow beer aficionado, then you are sure to enjoy the insight you’ll get from the Sam Adams tour, along with the samples you will be tasting. After this quick tour, hop on their shuttle over to Doyle’s , where you’ll receive your complimentary Sam Adams Boston Lager original glass, and gobble down the best Rueben that Boston has to offer. These two destinations combined are a great reason to hop on the T and travel down to Jamaica Plains any time you’re in the city.

Lucky’s Lounge:

Taking the stairway down to this joint located on Congress St., you’ll think you just stepped through a wormhole and it was the 1960s all over again, during the height of the Rat Pack’s reign. This corner tavern is home to some of the best cocktails, classic and original, that Boston has to offer. With a menu that changes depending on the time of day, you can come here for lunch, dinner, and even brunch if you’re so inclined. For the late night crowd, they often have Frank, Sammy, Dean, Pete and Joey impersonators serenading the crowd.

Abe and Louie’s:

While this locale is heralded as a great steakhouse, its real showcase is the brunch menu. Stop in before 2pm on Sunday and grab a Bloody Mary or Mimosa at the bar, and wait to be seated for what will be the defining brunch experience of your life. Whether you’re looking for Eggs Benedict or a burger, Abe and Louie’s has it all. Just tasting the muffins and Danishes they put on the table before your meal will make you glad you spent the money and stopped in to this great joint.

Clery’s:

This is one of the Boston University hangouts. They have a quiet bar on the ground floor, for those who would like to enjoy a few drinks and conversation amongst friends. For the late night crowd, they’ve designated the basement as a club like setting for the single, dancing crowd. Whichever you’re looking for, this establishment is sure to prove a wise choice for an evening out.

LIR:

Another two-tiered bar/restaurant, LIR sports a base level bar area, equipped with a rectangular bar staffed with bartenders ready and willing to serve the huge crowd that masses their most nights. The upper level, which has a spiral staircase leading up to it, is for the dinner crowd and transforms in to another bar to support the late night crowd once the dinner rush is over.

Honorable Mentions:

Victoria’s Diner: Home to the best breakfast in Boston. Located in the heart of South Boston, you’d be hard pressed to find a better omelet or plate of pancakes in the entire city.

Anna’s Taqueria: Stop here for a San Francisco style mission burrito that is sure to make you forget about Moe’s and Qdoba as soon as you take your first bite.

Mike’s Pastry Shop: Venture down to Mike’s after you’ve enjoyed any of the great restaurants in the Northend. Just the smell of the delicious baked goods and gelato will make you forget you just ate and ready to devour a fantastic cannoli.

Faneuil Hall: Come here for the history, the fantastic street performances, and, most importantly, the best bread bowl of clam chowder you’re bound to find in the entire city.

Though it seems like a daunting task, you can fit all of these joints in to a single weekend in Boston, if you’re up to the challenge. Following this list is a sure fire way to help guide you through your trip to Beantown, and define the further trips you’ll take with venues that you’re sure to want to stop in again and again. – Adam Clouden

While relatively new to the scene, Special Contributor Adam Clouden knows a great joint and has chosen a review of Boston establishments for his first contribution to www.greatjoints.com.